Clone ‘Em: Bring Instant Leadership to Your Company

by Christopher Meyer on 08/06/2015

AppstoreClone ‘Em Leads Apple App Store Rankings

Cupertino, CA (AP) August 6, 2015

Latest App Store rankings released this morning reveal that Clone ‘Em, the Leadership Cloning App has risen to first place in the popular Fast Growth category.  Leveraging data from mobile and wearables, Clone ‘Em uses advanced algorithms to prompt new leaders when they’re acting like a suit or an uber geek.   Targeting the sweet spot of mindful awareness and unicorn growth potential, Clone ‘Em provides actionable cues throughout the workday on Apple watch and other mobile devices.  Ear canal implants are anticipated this fall.

In a prepared statement to concerns from cloning ethicists, Clone Em’s CEO Barb Stanton stated “Our algorithms attain 92% of results achieved by traditional DNA cloning methods.  Replacing the known risks of mutation with software is a safer alternative.”

Why Not?

Executives are constantly looking for ways to improve leadership, workforce productivity and entrepreneurial drive.   Despite new distance learning technologies, training is a long term investment with mixed results.

What leaders really want are instant results. Clone ‘Em sounds like pure fiction but when the CEO of one of Silicon Valley’s hottest start-ups challenged his people to figure out a faster path, a young engineer suggested, “why not just clone the best, build an app or do both?”  Ergo Clone ‘Em.

Clone ‘Em Benefits

I.  Moon Shot Alerts

Clone ‘Em’s basic alerts inform users when they’re not being clear about assumptions, facts or logic.  Patent pending Moon Shot alerts go further and distinguish narrow, incremental financial logic favored by operating executives and newly minted MBAs from bold ideas that spawn the next Valley unicorn.  When detecting incremental thinking, a hologram of Elon Musk frowning from atop a SpaceX rocket is projected on the nearest wall.

II. Positional Posturing Protection

Clone ‘EM sends small but constantly increasing electrical pulses to users if it senses discussions or decisions based on title or position rather than merit. Weekly “Know Your Bozos” rankings aggregate data for display in company community centers such as fitness rooms and cafeterias. Those firms operating in the social economy will want to take advantage of the “Libertarian Impulse Detection” module which will remind overzealous meritocracy advocates that opportunity is not always equal.

III.  Blame Blaster

Clone ‘Em’s “Tunnel Vision” sensors detect functionally myopic blaming be it engineering vs. marketing, hardware vs. software, suits vs. geeks, etc.  When triggered Tunnel Vision uses electromuscle stimulation to enhance peripheral vision.  With its virtually limitless alternative scenario library, Clone ‘Em supplements discussions with proven problem and solution alternatives.  Clone ‘Em will shortly release an A/B/C testing module to enhance old school A/B testing.  App store customer reviews rate the A/B/C testing feature as 11.

IV.  Bug Me

Call them bugs or plain old problems, leaders will always face them as long as there are humans. Bug Me alerts are Clone ‘Em’s answer to transparency and accountability.  Using proprietary algorithms, log files, GPS data and real-time meeting transcription services, Bug Me makes sure that all issues and problems are surfaced without blame or fear of retributionClone ‘Em users become so comfortable openly addressing problems that “Come on, bug me!” has replaced “Hey dude” on many tech campuses.

V.  User Me

Technology push is a weakness that all too often overwhelms users with features that have no value. Clone ‘Em’s wireless wand accessory scans potential users, creating specific use-case personas for each that are validated using social network APIs such as Facebook.  With stun gun efficiency (and comparable voltage established by the latest round of investors) custom Clone ‘Em alerts such as “Who gives a damn?” (WGAD) instantly stops wasting time on stupid business models or product development features.

The Future of App-based Learning

As I sit here on the eve of the first presidential debate (456 days before the election!) and Jon Stewart’s Daily Show retirement, the gap between satire and reality seems awfully narrow.  If you have any doubts, search for leaderships apps on your favorite app store.  You’ll get pages of responses.  Maybe you’ll even find Clone ‘Em (hint: be sure to look under paid apps).

We are wired to seek ridiculously simple answers to tough problems.  Where I live, people don’t even hope; they expect that technology will enable virtual leadership. Frankly, anyone who’s led an organization bigger than fits in a garage spends most of their time leading virtually .

Leadership is rooted in vision, values and character.  That’s a full life’s work.  If we get to the point of being able to put that into an app, I’d be more worried about the followers than the leaders.

Which reminds me, I’ve got to set my DVR so I don’t miss The Donald tonight.

Fearlessness

June 29, 2015

President Obama discussed with comedian Mark Maron how the ups and downs of six years in office had made him a better president (paraphrased below).
As you get older, you might slow down or not jump as high as you used to.  But I know what I’m doing and I’m fearless.  This is not pretending to [...]

Read the full article →

Decimal Point Thinking:
Good for Operators; Dangerous for Innovation

June 19, 2015

Winter in Detroit is rarely pretty.  Pristine snowfalls quickly turn to grey slush that outwits the best pedestrian avoidance maneuvers.  Once that happens, your feet are cold and clammy for the next three hours.
It was on such a day that a new product team was presenting their “comeback” car design to a panel of senior [...]

Read the full article →

The Day After: Apple’s PayPal 2.0

September 10, 2014

I wrote yesterday’s piece before Apple’s product announcement.  While crafting a response to an email comment I received this morning, it struck me that a post-introduction piece might be in order.
In short, the iPhone 6/6 Plus will cover profits, the Watch will spur innovation and Apple Pay is the potential game changer.
Apple’s Passion for Profits
[...]

Read the full article →

Apple New Product Introduction:
Welcome to the Planet of the Ape

September 9, 2014

In a couple of hours, Apple executives will take to the stage.  And millions will be watching because part of our love for Apple is being co-conspirators in the OMG introduction process. While reverence for Steve Jobs will keep “incredibly insane” product descriptions off the table, expect to hear the word “amazing” more than once.
However, [...]

Read the full article →

Zen Start-up Lessons:
What Nest Labs Can Teach Entrepreneurs

February 14, 2014

Nest Labs makes a smarter, Internet- connected thermostat that sells for two to three times conventional models.  Most recently, they’ve introduced a similarly empowered and priced smoke detector.  You might ask if you need a smarter thermostat or smoke detector?  You’ll have a chance to answer that for yourselves in a moment.
Nest was founded by [...]

Read the full article →

The Minimum Viable Business School:
Zipcar Education for Entrepreneurs

February 7, 2014

The hotbed of education experimentation in Silicon Valley are the startup academies, accelerators and hacker boot camps.  Grounded in the minimum viable product philosophy that entrepreneurs harness to speed products to market, these new education entities offer a minimum viable education for tech entrepreneurs.
You know it’s hot because the regulators have come out of the [...]

Read the full article →

Apple New Product Strategy: “Siri…What Did I Miss?”

October 23, 2013

With yesterday’s product announcements Apple confirmed that writing about Apple these days is pretty boring.  No question engineers and designers worked hard to squeeze the iPad line thinner and lighter but, yawn, they’re iPads…now with some free software.  Who hoo.
For those who haven’t moved on to another site, Apple’s actions suggest:

Demand is strong enough to [...]

Read the full article →

Apple’s 2014 New Product Strategy

June 16, 2013

Will Apple Ever Release a New Product?
– headline from this week’s Street.com
The above is just the most recent variant in the continuing drama “Apple After Steve Jobs.”  Investors yawned at this week’s rollout of the new iPhone operating system (IOS).  Noting the new IOS visually apes Microsoft’s two-year old Windows Mobile tiles, the pressure [...]

Read the full article →

You Can’t Be Serious!
The NSA is Monitoring Our Calls & Email???

June 11, 2013

Where have you been?  And so what if they are?  My president tells me they’re not listening live.  It’s like a week-old Facebook feed – who cares?
Besides, they only have my phone number but that doesn’t mean they also have a reverse directory, does it?  And since they’re listening, maybe the NSA should pay a [...]

Read the full article →

The New Corporate Giving Pledge:
An Alternative to Apple’s iAvoid Tax Strategy

June 5, 2013

“Apple has always believed in the simple, not the complex. You can see this in our products and in the way we conduct ourselves.”
Tim Cook in testimony before the U.S. Senate, 5/21/13

Not That Simple
It’s simple to understand avoiding corporate taxes.  But crafting subsidiaries nestled in virtual crevices between international taxing authorities or [...]

Read the full article →